I'm a little concerned

Lately, I'm getting a lot of emails from from new widows and widowers who are on the verge of being suicidal. I'm concerned so I wanted to talk to everyone out there.

I understand the pain. I remember one night, having dreams (actually nightmares) of what was happening to Jeff's body after I buried him. I couldn't sleep. When I did, I woke up in sweats. I couldn't deal with the pain. I just wanted to dig a hole and climb in next to him. I would often go around telling people, "I wish it was me." "It should've been me." "Why couldn't it have been me?"

While I thought this, I don't recall getting to the point of being suicidal, but I can soooo relate to how these widows/widowers feel. The pain of living without him would be nothing like the pain of anything anyone can put me through, or I can do to myself. I KNOW.

But checking out isn't the answer. I often thought that if I had done that, Jeff would've been pissed at me. Yes, PISSED. I have more to accomplish in this life, even without him. My kids needed me. My family needs me. And even if I didn't have kids, I have found that other widows/widowers need me through this blog and the work I've done. There's a purpose for you. There's a reason. There's a need for you here and you don't see that now, but you will. It may not pop out and bop you on the nose, you may need to go find it, but it's there.

Please don't do anything rash. Cry...write it out...go for a walk...talk to a friend...go see a doctor or a mental health specialist...use antidepressants...go exercise...write on this blog...do whatever it takes to get through this. I'll admit that I was on Prozac when Jeff was diagnosed with cancer. He asked me to go on it. I had suffered from post-partum depression when the kids were young and when he was diagnosed, he asked me to go back on the medication because he saw how upset I was. He thought it would help. I stayed on it for 3 years (or so). It helped me. It might help you. There are other resources that can help you too.

Don't give up! Anybody who expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions should be taken very seriously. Do not hesitate to call your local suicide hotline immediately. Call 800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433) or 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) -- or the deaf hotline at 800-799-4889.