Friday, February 8, 2008

Weekends are rough...

One thing I know many of us have in common is how rough the weekends are. Married couples are off doing "couple" things and families are doing "the family thing" while singles are hitting the singles circuit -- something you might not be ready for. Where does that leave us? With phones that don't ring and plans that aren't made, waiting for Monday to come so you can interact.

I totally understand. Even years later, I'm still not completely fond of weekends and I don't know many widows who are. Granted, I've had to work hard to change how I handle them -- making my own plans, inviting friends/family to do things with me instead of waiting for them to call and planning things with my kids -- but when I don't make plans on my own it's pretty hard to handle a quiet phone and then hear on Monday about how this one and that one got together and had dinner. It can be frustrating and lonely.

So while you face another weekend, please -- if you're ready -- take time out to do something for you. Go to a movie (you knew I would say that right? LOL), an art museum, get a pedicure/manicure or massage, see a basketball game or get on the phone and ask someone to do something. Sometimes people don't ask us to do things because they don't know if a) we are ready or b) we might feel like a fifth wheel at an event where the couples went out. It's awkward for them too.

I try to do more lately and that has actually surprised my friends -- they thought I was just sitting home, taking care of the kids. But now when we talk and I say (thanks to my Meetup group or making my own plans), "Did you see that movie? I went out "with a bunch of friends" and had a blast." or "The kids and I took a drive to such-and-such place." they are surprised. Of course, this isn't easy. It takes a lot of work and not all plans work out, but start with YOU. Plan something for YOU to do this weekend -- start with dinner out, a movie and perhaps a little shopping or a massage. Don't look at it as lonely stuff -- look at is as getting out and doing something. Say hi to ONE person. It's a start.

Come back on Monday (or before) and share with me how your weekend was and what you did, even if it was just stay in and look at photos, cry, whatever. You'll get there one step at a time. I've been there. I know.


Connie said...

It will be 9 weeks for me on Sunday that I lost Rick. Right now weekends are better for me than the week days. I have the time to really miss Rick and cry for him on the weekends. I cry every day before work and when I get home, but I am so exhausted from the stress and the work that I need the weekends to give myself permission to lie down, cry, get laundry done, cry some more, lie down for a few minutes, look at a few pictures, etc. I miss Rick so, so much. I wonder I am going to do this, without his help! Thank you for your site.

Lisa Iannucci said...

Connie, good point. We're often caught up in the stress of day-to-day life of children and work and errands and stuff that the weekends can be used as our 'down' time to let our grief out. I'm so sorry about your loss. Thanks for posting!


Rosemary said...

Hi Lisa,

I'm new to this blog and can't help but agree with you about weekends. I'm 49 and my husband died 9 years ago. I've been busy all these years riasing our two children but they're older now (18 and 14). My son's away at college and my daughter's in high school and very busy with school and friends. I find I have much more time to myself now (not liking it much) and when the work week's over, I'm on my own. It's very hard but your advice is good.
I'm glad I found this blog.

Rosemary Driscoll