Wednesday, September 3, 2008

When am I going to stop feeling this way?

I got this letter the other day and thought I'd share the question that was asked of me.

"...when does it stop feeling like he's still going to come through the front door, and say it was all a misunderstanding? He worked Monday through Friday 8-5 and when 5:30 rolls around I still expect him home. I hate that feeling more than anything because then I have to remind myself he's dead."


My response, "Absolutely, I would think that he was coming back home. When he died, the baby was 2 and I remember wanting him to get up in the middle of the night, but he wasn't there. I also remember dialing work and then backing off. I would get a feeling that he was on his way home when it was time for him to be and each night it was a kick in the gut to remind myself that it wasn't happening. The feeling slowly goes away, but even now 9 years later, I've occasionally thought "What would I do if he walked in the front door???" (I think I do that when I see movies that make me wonder what that would be like.) It doesn't mean that you are in denial...it's just a stage. In my opinion, it's a stage we have to go through to get to acceptance."

Anyone else?

3 comments:

eb said...

i think you're right. i don't think it every goes away, it just affects you less adversely. six months ago, i absolutely couldn't function with the knowledge that my wife was gone. today, it is still painful, but it doesn't sucker-punch me anymore.

Elaine Williams said...

We begin to adjust to a new normal, but it's in each person's timeframe. elaine

Anonymous said...

I lost my 46 year old husband to cancer on Aug. 14th/08 and I still don't believe it. I'm so busy with paperwork and my two daughters (15 and 18), that I don't even have time to think, which may be a good thing now.
I so much want to see him come home, but I know that won't happen.
It's been already 3 weeks since he left us, and I still think of him as being here.
:(