Today is one of those days where I'm socializing more. It's my day out, to go bowling, be around adults, do whatever I want to do. In other words, trying to meet more people, men especially. I've gone out on dates -- mostly through online dating services -- but they haven't amounted to much. I swear, either all of the men around me are married, gay or one of these guys I've already dated from the online dating services.
I'm told that going through this is part of my 'new' life, my 'new' journey, but sometimes I want to scream, "Get me off the new ride! I don't like the scenery! I'm getting nauseaus!" My mom said to me, "Maybe that's because you're really not ready." No, I'm more than ready and I've joined the world again, but sometimes I wish that it didn't feel like I was back in high school -- "Does he like me Suzie?" "Why doesn't Biff return my call (text, email, fax, writing in the sky)?" "He has my picture and hasn't said anything. That's it. I start dieting tomorrow." "Does joking with me mean he likes me or that I'm his 'buddy' and he can tell me his dirty jokes and I'll laugh."
I'm working on making some changes -- meeting people in different venues, being the first person who says something to someone I'm interested in, trying new activities, being open minded to new opportunities. I'm trying! Can someone hear me! I'm trying!
There are some days I want my life to go like it goes in the old movies, bump into someone and meet someone you're attracted to, who wants to sweep you off your feet. I want it to happen like it happened in Serendipity when John Cusack grabbed a set of gloves the same time that the love of his life did and they spent a wonderful time together the rest of the day. Or how about in Never Been Kissed where Drew Barrymore goes undercover as a high school student and ultimately falls in love with her professor (okay that sounds weird without knowing the rest of it, but trust me, it's soooo romantic!).
Noooooo....what I get is emails from guys who I'm interested in online who ask, "Will you have more kids?" Geez, I don't remember John Cusack asking that in his opening line -- "Hello, I'm Jack and I was wondering if you're still a baby machine?" (and for the record, no, I won't -- I have three and I don't want anymore). I can understand the reasoning for asking, but I can't understand that being one of the first questions. I also can't understand why I'm a magnet for married men to hit on me either. I was supposed to meet my friend, her husband and kids and when the wife didn't show right away, I said, "Oh where's your wife?" and he said, "What, I'm not good enough..." and he proceeded to give me that look. Ugh. Or, what about the fact that I finally see someone I'm attracted to only to be blinded by the ring on the left finger.
I know some widows/widowers fall into the dating scene a little easier. I'm doing okay, but every once in a while I think, "I didn't expect to have to do this again." Back to reading, "Dating for Dummies." I swear it wasn't like this when I was dating years ago. John Cusack, where are you? Hey, it's still okay to daydream.
Until next time, you might be young, but you're not alone.