Friday, March 28, 2008

Mouth-runneth-over and more good stuff...

It's been a crazy few weeks and next week I'll start to see the light.

Yesterday, I spent the day at the National Publicity Summit, an event where people who are trying to get the media's attention for their new product/service/book, etc., meet media people like me and spend time pitching us their idea. I like attending this event because often I come home with ideas that can help you. This year, so far I met:

* more grief counselors who will provide tips and suggestions on coping with your grief and what to do for your children
* experts on single parenting
* experts on time management (life for us gets crazy so why not learn how to handle it better)
* owners of a business that makes the cutest jewelry that makes a great keepsake of your spouse's memory (they are working with me on either a discount for my readers or a free giveaway, so stay tuned!)
* several widows and widowers who really have great stories to tell. Some time after her husband died, one young widow wanted a career and decided to work on a screenplay (okay, granted, it's not the easiest route!) but the screenplay was bought and made into a movie! We'll meet her and see how she found the courage to move forward and how she brought attention to another plight in the world in her movie (which was released and is available for viewing).

So once I clear this next week and finally finish two major projects, we'll be back on track for regular postings and some great information. I'm looking forward to sharing it with you.

But, on the downside, I'm still dealing with friends who say stupid things. One such friend seems to just be on a roll, so much so that I have to schedule a time to talk with her about her tact before we lose the friendship. So what happened? Well, I date, but I'm not in a relationship. I don't traipse guys back and forth in my house either because I have two very impressionable young daughters at home and a young son who needs to learn how to treat women. When I meet a man who I want to introduce to my children, then they'll see my home. Until then, I'll conduct my business privately. So, "mouth-runneth-over" and I share a hobby together where we meet once a week. We are coming to the end of the season and there is a banquet, so I ask her whether or not she's bringing her husband and she says no. When I hesitate afterwards, she says with such a condescending attitude, "Oh you're not thinking of bringing someone. You? You would never bring someone. You don't have a date. Come on now." Our other partner on the team we are on chimes in with how I can call one of those 800-services to get a date and they both start laughing and continue the joke. Me? I found it extremely tasteless.

This isn't the first time her mouth-runneth-over. The other day I was admiring candles in her home and told her how I'm not a candle person and I saw this candle wall hanging that is meant to go over the bed but I would never use it. What I meant by that was, I'm not a candle person and I wouldn't put a candle on, even for romantic reasons (I never have), and chance that I would fall asleep or forget about it. It's just not me. So right in front of one of my children and a friend and her child she says, "Oh, Lisa will be the one alone with a book and the candles going." Alone?????? (Okay, now maybe you can't hear HOW it was said, but it was said with this air that I would be alone later in my life reading a book in bed with the candles going and, naturally, with no man. Even my other friend hesitated to say something afterward sensing the ridiculousness of what she had just said.)

This is the same -- married -- woman who never invites me out when she goes out with her friends, never invites me to do anything and when I told her one time that I was frustrated with the situation of a man I'm very attracted to, her answer was, "yeah, sexually." What??!!! Where do people get the nerve? I would NEVER say anything like that to anyone. So let's review -- this friend of mine, who has been a long term friend and someone my daughter calls 'godmother' -- thinks I'm alone and sexually frustrated. Have you heard that before? Oh but yes, I have told her about my social life (although it never seems to include an invitation to do anything with her, or trying to set me up with anyone), but after trying to tell her about dates and getting stupid comments about that too, I got to the point that I'm not telling her anything about my social life. It's not worth it anymore. Let her think what she wants. Unless I parade a guy in front of her and tell her I'm doing it with him, she's not going to think anything else at this point. I plan on telling her at some point that her comments have crossed a line (trust me it gets worse), but not yet. I'm rehearsing exactly what to say because I made it a point in my life not to jump on things too quickly. Give it time, rehearse it and say what I want to say the right way, not through anger.

I hope that if you have a friend, co-worker, boss, family member, etc., who is saying things to you that cross a line, you'll take the time to tell them so.

Until next time, you may be young, but you're not alone...

lisa

1 comment:

Carole Whang Schutter said...

Lisa, I'm the screenwriter and author you met at the Summit. Thought I'd check out your site. The first couple of years I was a widow, I was amazed by what people said to me. I think they just don't know what to say and sometimes its a glass of wine talking. I learned to just ignore it. There are more and more widows and widowers the older you get so people get used to it. I remember once that someone said to me after a year, "I know you loved your husband but isn't it time you got over it and started a relationship?" I had a hard enough time in my 20's finding a relationship I wanted to be in, what made them think it was so easy. And, BTW, what made anyone think I even wanted one? Love and aloha, Carole Whang Schutter