Friday, January 4, 2008

I have my bad days too...

I would love to say that all of my posts are going to be motivational, uplifting, filled with advice and supportive, but that isn't realistic. I have my bad days too. There's always too much to do. Doctor's appointments, school events, after-school events, my own social life, grocery shopping, bill paying, housecleaning (what IS that?! LOL), taking care of the kids, meeting deadlines, marketing my own work and more. And when all of this becomes overwhelming, I think of Jeff more. When I was stressed, he knew how to calm me down -- a foot massage, taking care of the kids while I just did what I needed to do, or whatever. It's not that I can't do these things for myself. I did them before I met Jeff and after I lost him, but it's just that it would be nice to have someone to make sure I'm taken care of. It would be nice to have him here.

Some days I'm just mentally and physically tired and today is one of them. I don't do well on Fridays either, even after all these years. Even if I do go out with others, I'm okay watching couples, but some days it just annoys me -- am I the ONLY single person out there? I wonder. If my phone doesn't ring (and it often doesn't because since I'm not part of a couple, I'm still a relatively third wheel) with someone wanting to plan something, even with the kids, I get bummed. I'm single. I date, but I'm not in a committed relationship -- I simply don't want to devote the time to something serious right now.

I joined several Meetup groups to get myself out. We go bowling, to the movies, and sometimes meet up (get it?! LOL) at a restaurant or comedy club. I've had a lot of fun and it's often the same people so you get to meet friends after awhile. This month, I plan on going to some business functions, but it's still hard to find time to myself. Some months I do better than others. Some Fridays I do just fine, but some Fridays I'm just plain tired, wish my phone would ring off the hook asking me to do something and I wish that my calendar was filled with invites.

Sometimes, I wish my house was perfectly clean and organized, the bills were paid, the work was done and I had one night where I had absolutely nothing to do but whatever I wanted. I really love my life with my kids, but everyone knows that single moms (and dads) have it tough. My mom is here and helps me, but I still have a ton of stuff to do and it never really stops.

Today I thought about what would make me happy. Movies make me happy. Right now while I blog and meet my other deadlines, I put Laverne & Shirley's DVD on my tv. I made a tasty cup of tea and dropped a note to a friend to schedule a lunch for next week. I'm 'almost' out of the mood, but I wanted all of you to know that I have my bad days too.

Until next time, you may be young, but you're not alone,



Jean said...

Thank you so much for this blog. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone.

anneray said...

It all sounded so close to home - the non-ringing phone, empty calendar of events and that lousy ever-present feeling of being alone and stucked. It's comforting to read but how i wish there's something i could do to get out of this 'situation'.

Lisa Iannucci said...

jean, you're welcome very much.

anneray, it all is about taking that first step. deciding about something that would make you happy and do it. now i know we can't get out of our 'situation' and we are what we are widows/widowers, but we can change how our life continues from here. i always keep thinking, "jeff wouldn't want me to be like this." and that keeps me moving. it will change, but it takes a lot of work -- sometimes it's tiring, but what choice to we really have?

Anonymous said...

I have been looking for support groups and I came upon this one.
My husband is seriously ill will diabetes and a heart condition. No he is not deceased but I feel as I am losing him a day at a time. We have some good days and bad days..most bad, but I make the most of them. I have to. We have no children which is somewhat comforting so I can devote all my time to him when I can. Sometimes his constant care and him not being able to work (he does when he cans) makes me feel so frustrated. I want to scream on most days but I cant, because I am so tired from my day job and my job of taking care of him. But the reason I keep going is because I love him, and I know when he is gone that I will have done all I can for him.
I enjoy reading the blogs, thanks