tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79709714912659622282024-03-13T13:39:37.891-07:00Young Widows and WidowersYou may be young, but you're not alone.Lisa Iannuccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13271872957747474876noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-6459230889798529492011-03-15T08:01:00.000-07:002011-03-15T08:03:16.653-07:00My heart goes out to JapanOver the last few days, an immeasurable amount of people have been affected by Japan's earthquake, tsunami and the deaths that have resulted. Today my heart goes out to the young widows and widowers who will be coping with this terrible tragedy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-16913252226765744692011-03-14T04:27:00.000-07:002011-03-14T04:47:32.743-07:00Dear Lisa...<span style="font-style:italic;">(I wanted to share this letter with you -- the author has given me permission -- because I wanted to share other widow experiences on this site too. Since I'm quite more than 10 years out as a widow, I thought it would be good to share letters from widows who are closer to their initial grief. Thanks)</span><br /><br />I was having a really bad day and find it hard to speak to people about how I truly feel so I Googled 'young widow blogs' and came across your sight. I read a few blogs and I cried and cried, because for the first time in almost 4 weeks I have found someone who makes sense to me.<br /><br />My late husband and I had been together since 2004...we were friends for years prior but never took it to the next level until then. Shortly after we got together I became pregnant. It seemed like our worlds had fallen apart. He was living at home with his parents back in our hometown, I was living two hours away attending university and living with three other girls. I thought my life was over, but we tackled it head on. I moved home we got our first apartment together, I had the baby (a girl) finished school by distant education, worked full time and graduated with my degree.<br /><br />Our life was starting to come together and we had gotten through what I though was going to be our biggest challenge. We had a lot of good times and a lot of trying times, but after 2.5 years we got engaged and bought our first house. Life was good, but to me it was never good enough. I always wanted more, bigger house, better paying job. Life was a party and it seems now looking back that I took advantage of our precious time together.<br /><br />We got married in 2008. We had a beautiful wedding with over 300 guests. He wanted to expand our family right away, but I was more interested in stabilizing my career and becoming successful. We finally took our honeymoon in 2010 in Jamaica with other people. It was WONDERFUL.<br /><br />We got back and I found out of was pregnant, but I was so mad. I hadn't wanted to start a family that quickly, I had a wedding, weight to loose etc. but then, what I thought was yet again another bad move, turned into a HUGE blessing. <br /><br />In 2010 he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Leukemia. He literally was golfing one day and in the hospital getting the most devastating news of our lives three days later. From there our last journey began.<br /><br />He went through a strong cycle of chemo, which he flew through. The doctors were amazed. I never left his side. For every round of chemo and hospital admittance I was there on my cot beside his bed. I never left, I couldn't leave. He did awesome, he would be golfing a week after he'd be out of hospital and everyday in between rounds.<br /><br />In September he underwent what we thought would be the cure, a stem cell transplant. Once again he did amazing, astonishing the doctors. Everyone thought we had this beat. Our friends and family were great and extremely kind and supportive. Although everyone was hopeful and optimistic, for some reason I had a feeling that it wasn't it. I hoped and prayed every single day and every moment in between that he would get better. We had another little girl on the way and an older daughter who absolutely adored her daddy. How could god take him? <br /><br />On Oct 26th our world came crashing down again. He had relapsed and treatment at this point was difficult as his body was already so weak from the transplant. Doctors were not hopeful and tried a few things and nothing was working.<br /><br />He was admitted to the hospital and as a last resort they started him on a low dose maintenance chemo in hopes to control the disease and bring him back into remission. Then, they would do a second transplant to wake up his new cells and get them working in full force to overpower the disease and cure him. Prognosis was poor and successful outcomes were slim due to his type of illness, but it was our only hope.<br /><br />It looked like the chemo was doing something and it may have been working, but they had a meeting with us and asked him was his short term goal was. He said it was to see the baby born. They didn't foresee the chemo working long term and thought that two weeks was all he had left. So that week, at 38 weeks, I was induced and we had our baby girl here. She was/is perfect. He was so proud, he couldn't be there for most of my labor but came in when I was ready to push and together we brought into this world another beautiful baby.<br /><br />We continued with the weekly maintenance chemo and, in the mean time, I searched for an alternative. I found a trial going on and contacted the doctors to see if he could join. It looked like this was the miracle drug that was going to get us to the point to be able to do the second transplant. They told me to hang tight that the trial was on it's way within a few weeks. In the meantime, miraculously, the chemo was managing the leukemia enough to keep him alive even though every week, he got weaker and weaker. He fought on and enjoyed time with his new little baby and other princess. We waited for this drug and knew that this was it, this drug was going to be the miracle so many were praying for.<br /><br />Finally we were off to get our prayers answered. He started the drug in November and was sent home to wait. We were to get his blood tested to see if the drug was working but that morning he took ill. We brought him to the hospital and found out he had an infection in his blood and within four hrs he was gone. His body had had enough and he left me.<br /><br />We did get some blood results and it looked like the trial drug was working. I whispered in his ear to hold on and told him that the drug was working so he had to fight a little bit longer. I really thought he was going to pull through. Before he went unconscious he looked at me and said "I love you"... and then that was it... he started failing and failing fast.<br /><br />So that was it, all my hard work had failed because I couldn't save my husband. He was so scared in that hospital and I couldn't save him. I keep picturing them doing CPR all I could do was squeeze his foot and hope that he wouldn't give up. I can't believe he gave up. He promised me he would never leave, and that he would beat this. At 29, he's gone and NEVER coming back.<br /><br />I didn't know how I was going to tell our 5 year old, I just cried in my dads arms, crying and crying and wondering how I was going to tell her. I failed our family... I should of pushed to go to the states to start the drug back November when I initially came across the drug. I knew that waiting was deadly because this disease has no mercy and every day could of been his last. <br /><br />I hate hearing now that I was amazing throughout his illness and that they don't know how I did it being pregnant and all, but I did and I would do it all again if he could just come back. I know that my pain is selfish because he would of suffered longer and most definitely had long term health issues that would of prevented him from living the life he wanted, but sometimes I don't care I just wish he was still here lying in our bed.<br /><br />I'm mad because now I have 2 girls to raise alone. I am ever so grateful that I have 2 kids and that for some reason I got pregnant when I did. I have the 2 most beautiful girls and I wouldn't change that for anything.<br /><br />It makes me mad to hear people say how much they admire me for what I did and what I went through, because I feel like what I did was minimal compared to the battle he fought. He didn't want to die... he was so scared to die. <br /><br />I miss him so much, I still find it hard to believe, I'm mad because everyone else gets to go home and be with someone and I get to stay here and be alone. I know I'm not alone because of the girls, but I am in my heart. I no longer have the person to lean on, and cuddle with, to yell at, to cry with, to just be with. I am alone, and it really, really sucks. The worst part is, is that there is nothing I can do about it.<br /><br />So when I read your December 21st blog and just cried, because that is exactly it and for the first time I felt comfort that someone else knows how I feel. I'm sad that that brings comfort to me, because that means someone is hurting like I am, but it really does feel good.<br /><br />So I just wanted to thank you, because for today, you've helped me to get through this moment and on to the next.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-60195174630399791752011-03-13T16:41:00.000-07:002011-03-13T16:42:39.613-07:00UK Followers, can anyone help?I received this note and couldn't help. Can any of you? <br /><br />I am male and not young (59) so you may consider this as a fraudulent message. However I lost my partner who was 53 five months ago to a brain hemorrhage and have decided it may well be a good idea to chat with people who have suffered the same or similar type of loss. Could you recommend any web sites or chat rooms in the UK which may be suitable.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-48426908598599317772010-12-29T17:58:00.000-08:002010-12-29T18:03:00.124-08:00The Crazy Red Haired LadyThere are some days I just don't feel like I can be of help to other young widows and widowers anymore. I'm not in that same raw emotion from the first few years. Of course, if I think about Jeff long enough (okay, really only a few minutes) or I'm so overtired that the emotions just pour out of me, I'm back to square one even after all this time. Then there are other days I wonder how I've gotten here...ten years later...without losing it completely. There are days that I hate the situation I'm in and days I'm glad I'm so far along. <br /><br />So to balance how I feel, I try to give you the resources of others who have also started to help other widows and widowers because they know that you might be young, but you're not alone. I'm still here...I'm still going...I'm still trying to help, but I'm not the only one. Check out this site too because you may relate to stuff that she's saying as well:<br /><br /><a href="http://crazyredhairedlady.blogspot.com/">http://crazyredhairedlady.blogspot.com/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-87203024418699375712010-12-27T16:34:00.001-08:002010-12-27T16:35:37.653-08:00Getting through the holidays...I know I'm a little late and I'm sorry, but my mom broke a rib and it's been a little crazy. I hope everyone got through the holiday okay. If you still need some help through the upcoming New Year's Eve holiday, here's a link with some good suggestions for you:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.genconnect.com/relationships/how-to-cope-with-the-holidays-when-grieving/">http://www.genconnect.com/relationships/how-to-cope-with-the-holidays-when-grieving/</a>.<br /><br />Remember, you may be young, but you're not alone.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-68131174596778692952010-12-21T04:21:00.001-08:002010-12-21T04:27:12.598-08:00How do I get through it?Been receiving a lot of letters lately and am trying to get through them, but someone asked me, 'how do i get through it?' She lost her husband 3 weeks ago and has two young children, 2 years old and 5 months old. Here is my response to her:<br /><br />I'm so sorry for your loss. and yes, it is three 'short' weeks ago. How do you do all of this...one day at a time. It's cliche but it's true. You get up for your kids and show them that life goes on. You show them that you hurt and that you get better, you show them that you fall apart and cry and then you know how to pull yourself together and do what needs to be done.<br /><br />You show them how to make daddy proud. <br />You show them that no matter what's happened in your life you never use it as an excuse to do something bad or give up. <br />You show them how to survive adversity. <br />You show them emotions and you show them how to grieve and then you show them how to laugh and through them you get through it. <br />If you see a couple, you might be jealous/angry/grieving and it's normal. How do you go to the store by yourself? You take a big deep breath and go in or, if you have home delivery, you take advantage of that and go in another day. <br />How do you celebrate your daughter's first Christmas? It's very tough, but you give her something special. i'm sorry to say that 'she' won't remember this, but you will. Give her something special -- a framed photo of her dad or something<br />You ask for help and say thanks and then, when you need to, you lock the door and spend time with your children alone and you giggle and laugh because they're babies and that's what they do. <br />How do you get through this? With your husband's love and guidance from above, it's there. <br />And you know you can do it, but it's one step at a time and you do it for them and you be the best mommy you can be. And you'll do great. And it will hurt and suck and you'll hurt later on special occasions and then on other special occasions you'll be okay. <br />You get through this...one day at a time...with or without friends, with or without family...because you have to.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-32057885803056557882010-10-14T07:39:00.000-07:002010-10-14T07:42:33.780-07:00From the widow in UgandaShe has asked me to post her email address in case any other widows want to write to her and offer some support and advice. It is dorothymulungi(at)yahoo.com. Please take out the (at) and replace it with @.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-47615100003162205322010-10-12T11:29:00.000-07:002010-10-12T11:29:00.125-07:00New Book Redefines Concept Of Death and Offers 21 universal lessons for the living<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo7Cw0hyzqCOWpKDa5fFBeHMZJIhKAGvt9nUtR-dZcsHIkTWEh4yE0fEx1PFBwjf08fzJtqPbYmGvUNSpbbWwi8WOTHiY1A21rbyw3OY_kWBKgBbHhUkMNuezYA_Qis0GSx61GoF8aiSVR/s1600/cover040408.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 100px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo7Cw0hyzqCOWpKDa5fFBeHMZJIhKAGvt9nUtR-dZcsHIkTWEh4yE0fEx1PFBwjf08fzJtqPbYmGvUNSpbbWwi8WOTHiY1A21rbyw3OY_kWBKgBbHhUkMNuezYA_Qis0GSx61GoF8aiSVR/s200/cover040408.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526858656967094210" /></a><br />I was sent information on this book. If you believe in this, it might be worth checking out. <br /><br />Death is not the end of life but rather a transition from one phase of existence to the next; it is -- literally -- just the beginning. When Pam Adams' husband and soul mate, Raymond, was brutally murdered, she learned firsthand how very real 'life and after death' is. She reunited with her lost love through communications from beyond the grave. Her book <span style="font-style:italic;">Letters from Raymond</span> is a heartwarming story about love between two soul mates that transcends the physical world. In it, Adams shares her story of triumph over tragedy and also offers readers 21 empowering lessons by which to live—shared directly from those in ‘transition.’ <br /><br />Adams—who established Raybert Lodge in 1999, a spiritual retreat in South Africa for bereavement and healing—was able to communicate with Raymond through a psychic medium to help readers make sense of life on earth. Letters From Raymond provides comfort to those who fear death and those who mourn the loss of loved ones. The book’s 21 life lessons—gleaned from Raymond’s after-life experiences—focus on love, compassion, and acceptance as being our true salvation. <br /><br />Letters From Raymond is now available for purchase at <a href="http://www.authorhouse.co.uk">www.authorhouse.co.uk</a>, Amazon.com, and other online booksellers. <br /><br />EXCERPT (Page 15-16)<br /><br />I wanted to remember that beautiful smile when he had left me just a few hours ago. Oh my God! How could they have done this to him? This beautiful man who was kindness itself, had so much to give!! He had finally found the happiness that he deserved. We were so happy and totally in love. Our life together had only just begun, how could he leave me now? We had been looking at properties to build our own home. What about all our plans? What about the promise of this beautiful life that we were to share together?<br /><br />The organ played softly as family, colleagues and friends waited outside of the church. I took my place in the front pew as the pallbearers carried in his coffin<br />and placed it reverently in front of me. I looked at it and wanted to rip it open! How could Ray be in there? He was so full of life and so real to me still. There was no way I could survive without this man! He was my life and my soul. How would I survive without those constant hugs? Those re-assurances of his total love and devotion! The service began as we stood up to sing a hymn. I had written a letter to be read in Ray’s memory. Brian Lister who conducted the service gently opened the letter and began to read:<br /><br />“There was never any need to have said goodbye as each day was filled with so much love and tenderness. I could go to sleep at night feeling so fulfilled, happy<br />in the knowledge that everything that needed to be done, had been done, everything that needed to be said, had been said. Our life together was so complete and the love that we shared was so deep, there were no words that could possibly describe it. I was so privileged to have had the time with Ray and so honoured to have been his wife.”Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-70799996763281938232010-10-11T10:16:00.001-07:002010-10-11T10:38:49.059-07:00A widow from Uganda<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.thecommonwealth.org/Shared_ASP_Files/UploadedFiles/%7B14C00262-BC35-478C-A0B5-DF4E54229D30%7D_Uganda.gif"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 211px; height: 244px;" src="http://www.thecommonwealth.org/Shared_ASP_Files/UploadedFiles/%7B14C00262-BC35-478C-A0B5-DF4E54229D30%7D_Uganda.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">I recently got this letter from *Ann, a 37-years-old widow from Uganda. I wanted to share it to show you that people all over the world are going through what we go through. Some are even going through worse than others. (*I changed her name and took out some personal details she gave me. Oh and this is not one of those spam letters asking me for money, btw.)</span><br /><br />"I was so excited to see that there is a site like this one. I asked myself if I was the only person going through what I am going through.<br /><br />I am a woman who lost my husband and father of my children to HIV/Aids when I was 22 years in 1995. He left me with 2 daughters plus his one daughter whom l found him with and to make matters worse, for this girl, l did not know her mother. The mother had already died and l didn’t even know her aunties, so l had to accept her in my life. But my dear it has not been easy at all. Getting the funds to take my children to school, paying for our accommodations, buying food and the whole up-keep has not been easy at all.<br /><br />And to make matters worse, because my husband died of HIV, I was discriminated by my own people and the public because during those days, whoever lost a partner to HIV, it was automatic that he/she is also going to flow. So they knew that I was going to die any time, getting a partner was impossible. Last year I tried putting up an advert in our local newspapers here, searching for a gentleman of the same status so that we could start up our own new life, but one of the correspondents was a conman who seduced me to get a salary loan and he took all the money from me without me knowing that he was stealing it, so I was so disappointed to see that one could take advantage of my situation/problem to benefit himself and his family. Can you imagine! How bad people can be!<br /><br />We, the Africans, are very unfortunate that everyone is on his or her own and, mind you, when you lose a partner, even the friends who used to associate with you run away. I wish we had such associations this way. It could help us a lot to regain our identities.<br /><br />It’s now 15 years down the road,but I completely lost my identity, people don’t even invite me for social functions like parties. It's like they are blaming me for my husband’s death. Am really so lonely..having no one to share with my experience and challenges...am in a completely different world because they don't know what am going through.<br /><br />I thank God that am currently on ARVs with the other girl that my husband left me with (because she was also born with the virus) and at least we have some hope of waiting to see what will be in tomorrow.<br /><br />But please keep that spirit up because there are so many people out there who need your services. During that time when the conman had just conned me, I felt like leaving this world for a while then I come back when the storm is over, but where could that be and where could I leave my children and with who. But I thank God that He has brought me this far and I wish I had seen this site then, it would have worked a lot to heal my heart."<br /><br />Like I said when I started this site, "You might be young, but you're 'not' alone."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-7360461574068848192010-10-09T07:14:00.000-07:002010-10-09T07:14:00.239-07:00Mail Call!I do get a lot of these types of emails: <br /><br />I goggled your website, I have a thought. I have been divorced for 5 years and have dated for 4 years, with no luck. All the women in their 40's I've met have had bad marriages and nasty divorces. All these women have issues with men and have low self worth. I've had 25 dates with no luck. I thought if I date a widower who had a nice marriage and their husband passed by natural causes or other fates of nature. The Wife mourns for years, but time heals and they are nice people with no abuse from a husband and filing for nasty divorce. Like the women out there in their 40s. Do you match up divorced with widowers?<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><blockquote><br />Um, no. I started a website one time because of the request from my readers, but unfortunately it didn't quite work the way I wanted it too. Maybe one day I'll try again, but if you're writing me on this site to match you up, save your email. </blockquote></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-26618006349613867742010-10-08T07:01:00.000-07:002010-10-08T07:01:00.380-07:00A widower's storyDear Lisa,<br /><br />"I just lost my wife in August at the age of 48. I think that it has just started hitting me the last couple of days that she is gone and not coming back. Today is a very hard day for me, and I feel like someone is standing on my chest, and I also feel very anxious. It comes and goes in waves, and it is awful.<br /><br />She suffered a major heart attack in our home. She had been complaining of a sore back for the last six weeks or so, and finally went to the doctor a week prior to her heart attack because of the pain.<br /><br />There was massive damage and she would have been left in a vegetative state. We all knew that she would have hated that, she always made that very clear, and decided we should take her off of life support.<br /><br />I found one internet site and have a grief counselor Sand she gave me some information and provided me with a book on grief "I Can't Stop Crying" by John D. Martin and Frank D. Ferris MD. It helped a little when I first read it, maybe I need to read it again.<br /><br />I really miss her, and I do not how to deal with this. I am not sleeping or eating properly, and I have a hard time trying to force myself to eat at this point. I know that I have to take better care of myself, but I am finding it so difficult right now. I am just so damn sad. How do people get through this?"<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><blockquote>Well, we get through it the way you're getting through it right now, we find a counselor, read materials, get online, reach out, not eat, cry too much, eat a little, cry some more, see another counselor, and repeat the process until one day we start feeling just a little better and realize we didn't cry quite as much that day. Keep doing what you're doing. It's early in the process and you're getting there. Don't give up. </blockquote></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-58751552913781933322010-10-07T03:55:00.000-07:002010-10-07T03:57:43.117-07:00A new resourceCame across this site and thought it might be helpful to some of you. She has some books, articles and other info...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.lngerst.com/">http://www.lngerst.com/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-78723126187815908302010-09-14T10:02:00.001-07:002010-09-14T10:02:31.861-07:00A good article about grief and rituals<a href="http://www.shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/the-way-we-grieve-now-2389801/">http://www.shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/the-way-we-grieve-now-2389801/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-58546451025496588222010-09-03T19:45:00.000-07:002010-09-03T19:48:25.553-07:00A great book...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51R8NRTJ9ZL._SS400_.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 183px; height: 183px;" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51R8NRTJ9ZL._SS400_.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><blockquote>"This is a journal about what happened to us…. One night, Dad just died and that was that." Twins Allie and Amy were eight years old and their brother David was four when their beloved father died in his sleep. Encouraged and guided by their mother, the three children kept a journal for almost two years. They wrote about the night he died, the funeral, the first week, the first year, the cemetery, their thoughts and feelings, their sadness and grief—and the future. Later, they looked back on what they had written and added new reflections. They also wrote suggestions for other kids who have experienced a similar loss. We were all deeply moved when we read this book. You will be, too. And, like us, you’ll be amazed at the strength and wisdom of Amy, Allie, and David—real children whose lives were abruptly and forever changed, and who chose to share their pain and learning with others. Recommended for anyone who has lost a loved one or knows someone who has.<br /><br />Check your local library or buy your copy on Amazon.com.<br /></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-10312613573734906462010-07-25T18:51:00.001-07:002010-07-25T19:04:19.691-07:00A month of booksI was cleaning out my family room today and I have lots of books on grief and single parenting that I received and bought after I started this blog. I wanted to take a few weeks to pass on a few that I think are really worthwhile for you to read. I have not looked into whether or not they are still available for sale. If they aren't on Amazon or other book sites, check your local libraries or ebay if you're interested in buying them.<br /><br />Today, I picked two that could help kids:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51jK-xybRHL.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 218px; height: 282px;" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51jK-xybRHL.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.any-book-in-print.com/book_covers/w_web/when_someone_special_dies.gif"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 195px; height: 148px;" src="http://www.any-book-in-print.com/book_covers/w_web/when_someone_special_dies.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><blockquote>Both books are fantastic and really helped me to work through the grief with my children, who were 6, 4 and 2 at the time. "When Someone Very Special Dies" is perfect for all ages, but especially good for those children who are younger and may not be able to articulate their feelings. There are spaces for them to draw. "Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One," breaks down what to say to a child during their grief depending on how old they are.</blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-11053112760479975882010-06-13T13:10:00.000-07:002010-06-13T13:52:12.281-07:00A month filled with emotionOur oldest graduates from high school in two weeks, prom was Friday. My son goes off to camp that he was accepted to and he now has a girlfriend and a job. Oldest leaves for college soon. Youngest is now a teenager. And me, I'm having moments. Don'tcha hate 'moments?' They come out of nowhere. You could be looking at a box of chocolate...or watch a scene in a movie...or even pay a bill ... and fall apart. Tonight I watched my kids eat dinner and it was like they were little again. And I had a moment. 10 years later and I 'still' have moments. It's okay. It reminds me of the love I had in my life. And reminds me of what I've accomplished.<br /><br />I'm very often asked how I do what I do. One second, hour, day, month and year at a time. You can't go any faster than that. And you hold on. It's a bumpy ride. But you get through it. We all do.<br /><br />For those facing a huge event this year -- or any year -- and facing grief at the same time, hang on and remember that you'll get through it. if it's a graduation, let your child know how your spouse would have felt. It's okay to bring them into the day. I know that Jeff would be so proud Nicole and I told her that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-76838837616429003782010-05-28T03:33:00.000-07:002010-05-28T03:38:10.895-07:00The good, the bad and the ugly about grief and the Internet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.tcd.ie/disability/projects/DS3/images/facebook.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 333px; height: 125px;" src="http://www.tcd.ie/disability/projects/DS3/images/facebook.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://blog.hospicefoundation.org/2010/03/virtual-grief-role-of-internet-support.html">This </a>popped into my mailbox this morning. It's the blog for the Hospice Foundation and they are talking a report where Facebook and other internet sources have been shown to be good for grief. The workshop however, seems to also address the bad, and there is bad out there. It's really important to make a careful decision on where you choose to post your grief and what you say. When you're early in your grief you might not even realize the information you're giving out. I've had nothing but positive experiences on the grief sites online, but Facebook wasn't a part of my grief when Jeff first died.<br /><br />We're all doing well here, although slightly blubbery with my daughter's high school graduation upon us. Jeff should be here to see this. Yes, I know he's "here" in spirit (and I tell everyone that), but there are some days more than others that you want proof he sees it and you want him physically here. I know how proud he is of her and so am I.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-4331350218874617042010-05-14T11:10:00.000-07:002010-05-14T11:14:26.913-07:00A story of a military widow<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CLISABR%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} p.MsoFooter, li.MsoFooter, div.MsoFooter {mso-style-link:" Char Char1"; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; tab-stops:center 3.25in right 6.5in; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} span.CharChar1 {mso-style-name:" Char Char1"; mso-style-locked:yes; mso-style-link:Footer; mso-ansi-font-size:11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-ansi-language:EN-US; mso-fareast-language:EN-US; mso-bidi-language:AR-SA;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><b style=""><u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Arial; color: black;">A CONVERSATION WITH TARYN <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">DAVIS</st1:place></st1:city><o:p></o:p></span></u></b></p> <div style="border-width: medium medium 1.5pt; border-style: none none solid; border-color: -moz-use-text-color -moz-use-text-color windowtext; padding: 0in 0in 1pt;"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; border: medium none; padding: 0in;"><i style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Taryn Davis represents a new generation of young war widows.<span style=""> </span>Her husband, Army Cpl. Michael W. <st1:city st="on">Davis</st1:city>, was killed in action by a roadside bomb in <st1:city st="on">Baghdad</st1:city> <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> on May 21, 2007. Taryn’s story will be featured in this year’s</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial;"> <b style="">NATIONAL MEMORIAL DAY CONCERT</b><i style=""> which airs on PBS <b style="">Sunday, May 30, 2010 from 8:00 to 9:30 p.m</b>. <b style="">ET</b> (check local listings).<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> </div> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q: How did your life change when you learned that you had become a military widow?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">TARYN <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">DAVIS</st1:place></st1:city>:</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style=""> </span>It changed my life in ways that I really could have never foreseen.<span style=""> </span>It was eleven thirty at night when two men walked up to me on my patio and notified me that my husband, Corporal Michael Davis, wasn’t coming home.<span style=""> </span>I had that Johnny Cash/June Carter ideal about our love so I thought I was going to die as soon as I heard them say Michael’s name; it was surreal.<span style=""> </span>Within 24 hours, I was sitting in my living room picking out an urn for his ashes, writing his eulogy and obituary.<span style=""> </span>I think that there was stigma and a connotation when you hear the word “widow,” you think of an old woman knitting in black. You certainly don’t think of a 21-year-old who is attending college.<span style=""> </span>I googled “widow” and the response was, ‘do you mean “window”?’<span style=""> </span>That’s when it hit me that this was a title that not a lot of people spoke about and that more people needed to learn about.<span style=""> </span>I went online and one evening, about two months after Michael was killed, I introduced myself in a chat room.<span style=""> </span>I didn’t get much response except for one email from a 60-something <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Vietnam</st1:place></st1:country-region> widow.<span style=""> </span>I knew she’d lost her husband, but that was forty years ago so I wondered what she could tell me.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial; color: black;">Q: You’re referring to Glenda Carter, a Vietnam War widow whose story will also be featured in the NATIONAL MEMORIAL DAY CONCERT.<span style=""> </span>Though separated by many years, what common bonds do you share with Glenda and what have you learned from her experience? <o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">:</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> Glenda was 19 when she lost her husband.<span style=""> </span>She went back to work and burned every letter she ever wrote to her husband in the hopes that it would take away the silent pain that she was holding inside of herself.<span style=""> </span>But when she emailed me, she said something that really resonated.<span style=""> </span>She said, “Taryn, you have to be able to talk about what’s happened to you and to Michael.<span style=""> </span>You need to be able to put a face and a voice to your generation.<span style=""> </span>You can’t be scared of what people will think by sharing Michael’s demise and where your life is now.”<span style=""> </span>I had come to that little Y in the road where everybody was telling me what I needed to do with my life. <span style=""> </span>I was so weak and just wanted to feel normal again.<span style=""> </span>Luckily, through Glenda and the other widows I’ve met, I chose to follow my heart.<span style=""> </span>It’s made all the difference.<span style=""> </span>Glenda has taught me a lot about her generation and how even though it was more difficult since they weren’t able to talk about their husbands’ sacrifices or their lives as military widows, they definitely have paved the way for our generation.<span style=""> </span>We’re trying to do the same thing that Glenda and her generation did and that’s to make it a little bit easier for those to come. <o:p>
<br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q: What’s different about being a widow in the 21st first century than those who lost loved ones in previous wars?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">:</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> The big difference is that as a military wife now, we have a whole new form of communication.<span style=""> </span>Back in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Vietnam</st1:place></st1:country-region>, you’d write a letter and you’d get one back maybe once a month. Our communication has taken leaps and strides since then.<span style=""> </span>We have the ability to talk to each other almost on a daily basis using instant messaging, Skype, web cam and social networks like Face book and My Space. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q: Your story will be featured as part of the NATIONAL MEMORIAL DAY CONCERT on PBS this year.<span style=""> </span>What do you hope that other young widows or those who have lost loved ones will take away from hearing your story?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">:<span style=""> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">I hope that they take away a sense of empowerment.<span style=""> </span>Even to this day, I meet widows who say that they hate that word “widow.”<span style=""> </span>But from the get-go, I’ve thought of that title as signifying not only our husband’s sacrifice but it also symbolizes our survival and will to carry on with our lives.<span style=""> </span>In addition, I think it represents our husband’s legacies and how we let them live through our actions as we move forward.<span style=""> </span>When I was lying on the couch after Michael died, I wasn’t the person that Michael fell in love with.<span style=""> </span>I was letting the grief and bereavement take over.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Someone recently asked me if I like that people think “widow” when they think of me.<span style=""> </span>I said that I couldn’t think of a more proud thing to be because when I go to a restaurant with a widow friend, we’re probably the ones smiling the most, laughing the most and enjoying life the most because we <i style="">do</i> understand the sacrifices that are made to enjoy that life.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q:<span style=""> </span>After you lost Michael, you traveled the country and found other young women who had experienced a similar loss to yours.<span style=""> </span>What impact did that journey have on your life?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">:<span style=""> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">I started filming a documentary four months after Michael was killed.<span style=""> </span>The first woman I interviewed was a widow whose husband was actually sitting behind Michael and was killed with him.<span style=""> </span>When I called her I said, ‘I don’t know you but I want to come to <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Georgia</st1:place></st1:country-region> and ask you all the questions that people stopped asking me.’<span style=""> </span>I wanted to know how she fell in love with her husband, what it was like when she found out he was getting deployed, and when she was notified that her husband had been killed.<span style=""> </span>I wanted to know how she told her son and what she’s doing with her life now to pick up the pieces.<span style=""> </span>Then I told her I wanted to share the video with other widows.<span style=""> </span>I also wondered how I was going to find other women who’d be willing to share their stories but, luckily I found five other widows willing to be interviewed.<span style=""> </span>Through my organization, the American Widow Project, we’ve reached out to more than 400 widows so far. <span style="color: black;">But from this current conflict in <st1:country-region st="on">Iraq</st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Afghanistan</st1:place></st1:country-region>, there are about 2,500 widows. </span><span style=""> </span>Through each conversation, I’ve found out more about my grief and pain.<span style=""> </span>But there’s also commonality between each one of us because even though we have different stories, we all loved someone in the military whose life was taken abruptly.</span>
<br /></p><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q: You’ve described this connection with other widows that you’ve met as being like a “band of sisters.”<span style=""> </span>How have some of these friendships helped you?<o:p></o:p></span></b> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">:<span style=""> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">When I made those connections with these widows, it helped me feel normal.<span style=""> </span>When you’re with them, you don’t have to sugar-coat things or feel obligated to have to leave your husband’s name out of a sentence because you know it makes people feel awkward.<span style=""> </span>You are free to be yourself and it’s very liberating.<span style=""> </span>Even when you’re not around the other widows, you feel more empowered to say to the world, ‘I’m a military widow and I’m surviving.<span style=""> </span>Life can be good.<span style=""> </span>Just because my husband was killed in a really horrible way, that doesn’t define his life.<span style=""> </span>He was so much more than a man in a uniform.’<span style=""> </span>I hope to be a living example of what Michael instilled in me.<span style=""> </span>I don’t know what my life would be if I didn’t talk to a widow every day.<span style=""> </span>I’m so grateful that they’re in my life.<span style=""> </span>They’ve taught me that love is eternal and that life can be amazing. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">Q:<span style=""> </span>You started a nonprofit called the American Widow Project as a result of your experiences.<span style=""> </span>What kind of impact do you think this organization has had so far and what do you hope to accomplish in the future?<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">DAVIS</span></b></st1:place></st1:city><b style=""><span style="font-family: Arial;">: </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Beyond the documentary, I knew I needed to have another portal for widows to share their stories and for others to heal from those stories.<span style=""> </span>That’s when I decided to start the American Widow Project.<span style=""> </span>I like to say that we’re “structurally unstructured” because each of these widows has helped pour a symbolic slab to build an amazing house where other women can go and feel normal.<span style=""> </span>We don’t have seminars and it’s not a classroom setting.<span style=""> </span>I realized early on that the only way I could survive was if I learned how to live again and I knew I couldn’t learn how to live again sitting at a table.<span style=""> </span>I wanted to go out and feel the wind against my face and laugh and smile and not feel bad about it because if I paused for a moment I would look around and see twelve to fifteen other widows doing the same thing.<span style=""> </span>That’s really what the organization has become through the website, our events, and our outreach.<span style=""> </span>The widows involved in this project are more amazing than I could have ever fathomed. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Fifty years from now if I’m not here, I hope the American Widow Project will still be here and<span style=""> </span>that people will think of it as an organization that isn’t going to tell you how to grieve or how to cry.<span style=""> </span>It’s going to tell you how to live and help you understand that it’s hard to balance carrying a huge legacy of your husband while also trying to learn how to get up every morning and breathe. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">If there’s a military widow out there who hears this story, I hope she knows that she’s not alone. I felt alone for four months, my best friend felt alone for two years and I just met a widow who didn’t meet another widow her age for five years!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; line-height: normal;" align="center"><span style="font-family: Arial;">At one of our events, a widow put it perfectly when she said, “I don’t feel like I came here and made twelve friends.<span style=""> </span>I feel like I made 24 friends because I feel like I know your husbands as well.”<o:p></o:p></span></p> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-53940617393050521982010-03-29T05:58:00.000-07:002010-03-29T08:34:36.577-07:00Not quite sure what to say....I haven't blogged since November and many of you who follow me have wondered what happened. First off, I'm okay and thanks for caring.<br /><br />Second, I'm not quite sure why I stopped blogging. I think part of me wondered if I really was helping anyone. Jeff has been gone for 10 years and I know I can still help others in my situation with advice and comfort, but I wondered if I really said all I could say. I will admit that the 10 year anniversary knocked the wind out of me. I don't date a lot and have no desire to remarry, but I'm happy with the dates I go on and what I've done with my life. Yet, I felt stuck and alone for the first time in a long time. I worked through it and realized that it was okay for me to feel that way and I took baby steps to get back on track.<br /><br />I still get letters from widows/widowers and I still find people who want to friend me on Facebook (I'm going to start a page for widows/widowers soon so you can all connect with each other instead of just with me). I've tried answering so many, but it's hard to keep up and with three teenagers in the house now, I've had to prioritize my time. If you're reading this and I haven't answered you yet, it's not because I don't care. I simply get so many letters and trying to answer them all can, sadly, become a full-time job at times.<br /><br />Third, my own personal life got pretty chaotic. My oldest daughter, who many of you remember as only being six years old when Jeff died, is going off to college in August -- COLLEGE! We spent most of the fall and winter filling out college and scholarship applications, dealing with SATs, and me working my butt off on a few new books I have coming out so I could pay for it all. My son plays in five (count 'em) bands in and after school and my oldest is working now, so I think I have a new part-time job as a taxi driver.<br /><br />I'm doing my best to figure this all out. I almost stopped for good, but I felt that wasn't fair to me or to you. I'm also trying to figure out what I could do differently to make this blog important to everyone. Please be patient with me. In the meantime, CNN ran an article today about finding others who are grieving (not necessarily just widows/widowers) online. You might find a new site that can help you:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/03/26/grieving.online/index.html?hpt=Sbin">http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/03/26/grieving.online/index.html?hpt=Sbin</a><br /><br />If you're interested in friending me on Facebook, please do so and most importantly let me know you're one of the widows/widowers from this blog, but I won't respond until I have that group set up and all of you can talk to each other. I'm also thinking of getting back to the dating site I once set up for widows/widowers. If you're interested in either, let me know. As for the cruise I talked about some time ago, I am still considering it. It's taken time for me to look into it and get it organized and time has been a precious commodity to me right now. Again, I'll be in touch about that. And thank you all for being so awesome on this journey.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-22759601019481265902009-09-10T06:05:00.000-07:002009-09-10T06:09:23.475-07:00Camp Widow<p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:100%;" >Got this in my email. I know nothing of it personally, but it sounds interesting. If you go, let me know! (Sorry I haven't been blogging. My workload is, thankfully, doing very well and add in everything else and well, I'm lucky I've had time to sleep. LOL). I will blog about my trip back to visit my in-laws soon (I'm still close with Jeff's family)</span><span style="font-style: italic;">.</span></span></span><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></span></b></strong></p><p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></span></b></strong></p><p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Camp Widow 2010</span></span></b></strong><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">August 6-8, 2010</span></span></b></strong><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina</span></span></b></strong><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">San Diego</span></span></b></strong><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, California</span></span></b></strong><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><strong><b><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></span></b></strong></p><p class="EC_MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Yes, we have a date! And we brown shirts would love to see you back in San Diego for more laughs, more great workshops, a dance floor at the banquet, a Sunday morning breakfast...and another chance to participate in the Widow Dash! Don't miss the fun, mark your calendars now!</span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">We are taking the many things that worked, and tweeking the few things that didn't, to create a program called Camp Widow. One of you said this..."My daughter went to camp, and I did too!" Which got us to thinking about giving this weekend a name that speaks to the uplifting spirit of our gathering. YOU made this weekend amazing, and we are determined to plan an even better event next year. So tell your friends, early registration will begin November 1st. Camp Widow merchandise will be on sale at <a je02ec9c4d9e9d0d3a6="true" href="http://www.sslf.org" target="_blank">www.sslf.org</a><div style="display: inline; cursor: pointer; padding-right: 16px; width: 16px; height: 16px;" c88c08f8="click.icptrack.com"> </div> beginning October 15th...everything is really cute and please send me stories about the looks on people's faces when they read your shirt ;)</span></span></p><p class="EC_MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></span><strong><b><i><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:100%;color:#cc0000;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">Short commercial</span></span></i></b></strong><em><i><span style="font-family:Times New Roman;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">:</span></span></i></em><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> We will need sponsors to make this all happen, and could use help in locating them! So spread the word...Camp Widow needs you! As always, your gratefully accepted donation is tax-deductible and can be mailed to the address below. We also accept donations by Paypal at <a href="mailto:widowsbond@sbcglobal.net">widowsbond@sbcglobal.net</a> Any amount helps us reach our goal of raising $100,000 to fund the programs that we currently run and to expand our reach in the future. It is time for widows to have a voice, we can do this together!</span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 10pt;"><span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Tahoma;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:85%;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"></span></span></p> <span style="font-family:Tahoma;font-size:100%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Tahoma;"><br /></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-39327772730723795162009-08-04T16:06:00.000-07:002009-08-04T20:42:14.752-07:00Coping With Grief<img src="http://i26.tinypic.com/155mmhf.jpg" align="right" /><center><b></b><i>Wisdom From the Afterlife </i></center><br /><br />While death is inevitable, pervasive grief is not. And while no amount of talking about death can ever truly prepare you for it when it happens to someone you love, it’s important to know you can cope with it when it’s through the heart.<br />If you buried your dreams along with a loved one, do you know how to begin building new dreams? Are you ready to wake things up again? Address your heart’s need to be healed by including bright choices in your renewed healthy life:<br /><br />• While your loved one is still around you at times, they have changed. They are healed now and want you to feel them that way. To do so, ask your heart to sense them as they are now. Over time, your dreams will include increasing colors with vivid images of your loved one, healed. This is an incredible opportunity for you to awaken each morning feeling more and more healed!<br /><br />• Invite your loved one to come around for family events, but don’t make a habit out of feeling that they’re there all the time to work through all that you have to do. The truth is, their life needed to move on and now so does yours. It’s not healthy to try to cling to your old life. Regard them as special and then share those special times!<br /><br />• Reign in the feeling that you have to fix whatever it was that brought about your loved ones death. It’s like a team of wild horses that will take you for a ride you cannot control. Instead, join an action group of people, who like you, are determined to bring about positive changes for mankind as they push through their personal pain.<br /><br />• While it’s true you can no longer see your loved one, it does not mean you can’t sense them. Imagine they’re in a distant room in your house trying to tell you something, but you have the radio on so it’s hard to hear what they’re saying. Discerning your loved one is just like that. Quiet the external noises and so much more than you think will come through. <br /><br />• Ask older people how they’ve come to cope with the loss of a loved one. For while death and grief seem like taboo topics, chances are they’ll be grateful for the opportunity to share how they pushed through the pain to feel a quality of life again.<br /><br />• Forgiveness is something most of us are not used to thinking about when a love one dies, but it’s a huge piece of the puzzle when dealing with profound loss. Forgiveness repairs the hole around your heart that says you can never be repaired. Forgive your loved one for whatever it was that caused their death, even if they had nothing to do with how it played out. Trust they know (all too well) that without a sense of forgiveness, you carry a burden no one should ever have to bear.<br /><br />• Take a song from your childhood and give it back to your heart! When moments of pain and loss come your way – and they will come – give your heart the joy it knew as a child by singing a favorite song. Music is salve for the heart, and childhood songs have the longest lines of joy…even over songs you later shared with your loved one. <br /><br />• Affirm for you and for your loved one that they were an ordinary mortal. If you make them out to be perfect it’s not a realistic picture, which keeps the bridge of communication and healing unattainable. While it may seem natural to want to make them into angels watching over us, they’re not. Stay grounded. They’ll appreciate knowing you love them for who they really were and are.<br /><br />• Send a sealed envelope to God with a letter inside describing your feelings. Let God hold those for you. When you’re ready, take a small clay pot out to your garden, place your envelope in it, and then burn the envelope. See the smoke rise knowing that it’s God’s intention you not carry that burden alone any longer.<br /><br />• Give yourself a healthy new start by becoming creative again. This is the most sustaining engine for the heart, as creativity has the tendency to keep moving things further and further forward with more and more of the out-flow of joy!<br /><br /><br />Be brave. Break the chains of grief. Rise up each morning knowing you are being called to a healthier, brighter life. It is possible with your permission. Are you ready?<br /><br /><img src="http://i29.tinypic.com/2wgd991.jpg" align="right" />Discerned from people in the afterlife.<br /><br />Lynn Scott, spirit intuitive, public speaker and author - NOTES FROM THE OTHER SIDE www.NotesFromTheOtherSide.net<br /><br />Inspired by the life of a dear friend who died tragically in 1972, Lynn’s life is dedicated to bridging the divide between the here and the hereafter.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-3773940740874669392009-07-20T17:29:00.000-07:002009-07-20T17:30:17.322-07:00Those of you remarrying...casting for new show!Something fun I thought I'd pass along:<br /><br />Married with Children? Are you the real-life Brady Bunch? Major cable network is seeking a soon-to-be-wed (or recently wed) couple who are combining children from previous marriages to star in new reality series of your own. What makes YOUR blended family unique, unusual, or interesting? Email with story, family photo, and contact information to: Jenny at Sirens Media sirenscasting@gmail.com.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-29107835828206859082009-07-07T21:03:00.000-07:002009-07-07T21:04:43.393-07:00A Moment to Remember: Ten Years Ago<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://lifeloveandlogic.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/snoopy-missing-you.jpg&usg=AFQjCNEuj6vHgpo39hpWJawaUG_9t_vfSw"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 500px;" src="http://images.google.com/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://lifeloveandlogic.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/snoopy-missing-you.jpg&usg=AFQjCNEuj6vHgpo39hpWJawaUG_9t_vfSw" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div class="mobile_status"><span id="profile_status"><span id="status_text">TEN years ago, on July 8, 1999 at approximately 6:30 p.m., Jeff Brinkley -- the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend and the most amazing daddy -- left this earth to become our angel. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of him. We've moved on in our lives, but we know he is always with us. Hug your husbands and wives today. Jeff Brinkley -- gone but NEVER forgotten. Miss you Bibby.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-28819988042088930382009-06-12T19:34:00.000-07:002009-06-12T19:35:45.567-07:00South Florida Widows<pre>Got this in the mail in case anyone is interested:<br /><br />For those in the South Florida area: Meet with other local Widows,<br />Widowers, and all those who have lost their significant others who<br />also have young children. Gather for grief, sharing and healing, along<br />with our children.<br /><br />Join with others going through the unique experience of the grief of<br />losing a spouse, plus the added responsibility of raising young<br />children and helping them through their grief as well.<br /><br />From the founder: I lost my husband and the father of my two young children in November<br />08 and have found it extremely difficult in meeting others in my same<br />circumstance.<br /><br />You can find our group: <a href="http://www.meetup.com/Widows-ers-With-Children-at-Home/" target="_blank">http://www.meetup.com/Widows-ers-With-Children-at-Home/</a><br /></pre>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-11070087223515004092009-06-05T07:05:00.000-07:002009-06-05T07:07:29.956-07:00Guest blogger: Lauren Miller<p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">Stress Relief in the midst of Grief:</span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">By Lauren Miller</span></p><span style="font-family:Calibri;">When trauma of any kind enters into our lives our bodies actually freeze…our breathing becomes shallow, our left brain stops communicating with the right brain and we experience a “deer in the head lights” response to life…we feel disconnected and unsafe. <span style=""> </span>In the midst of this experience, we often encounter waves of overwhelming emotion that paralyze us in our ability to cope with every day activities.<span style=""> </span>We find ourselves caught in the moment of when the traumatic experience took place.<span style=""> </span>We actually take a holograph picture of the scene of trauma and it becomes frozen within us…we continually replay it over and over and over again.<span style=""> </span>As time moves on, we continue to stay “stuck” in that “holographic image” so much so that if a trauma occurs in childhood when it is triggered in life by events, situations and people, it is as if it just happened.<span style=""> </span>These images or “holographs” exist out of time…they are present to us even if many years have passed.<b style=""><span style=""> </span></b></span> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">So what can we do when we find ourselves in this state of paralysis in life due to intense grief or trauma?<span style=""> </span>Before answering that question, it is important to mention that the energy system that moves throughout our body actually becomes disconnected or frozen along with the negative emotions that surround grief and trauma resulting in that feeling of overwhelm and emotional paralysis.<span style=""> </span>A good visual for that is when you are watching TV and all of the sudden there is a dis-connect with the cable and gray and black specks instantly replace the clear picture.<span style=""> </span>It is an internal “ZZZZT” that results in feelings of being “stuck” in the grief or sadness.<span style=""> </span>The good news is that what becomes disconnected <i style="">can be reconnected</i>. <span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">How?<span style=""> </span>EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique: Founder Gary Craig) is one method that often times works instantly to help reconnect us to who we are before the pain hit.<span style=""> </span>It is a way to move through the pain instead of being emotionally paralyze by it.<span style=""> </span>It utilizes the same meridian system <span style=""> </span>(energy points in the body) as acupuncture and focuses on 9 main energy points.<span style=""> </span>Our fingertips are used instead of needles.<span style=""> </span>It enables the energy within our body to continue to move in spite of trauma therefore empowering us to connect to inner peace, love, acceptance and healing.<span style=""> </span></span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">The way it works:<span style=""> </span>tap with your fingertips on the points (one point at a time)<span style=""> </span>while tuning into your emotional issue.<span style=""> </span>The points:<span style=""> </span><b style="">Set up statement</b>: begin at the soft part of our hand…the outer part from below the pinky down to the wrist bone.<span style=""> </span>Tap with the other four fingers from the other hand as you tune in and verbalize your situation.<span style=""> </span>Here is an example that can be used as your set-up statement while you tap on the side of your hand: <i style="">Even though I am feeling overwhelming sadness and grief over the loss of my friend right now </i>I am willing to love and accept myself just as I am and I choose peace and calm within my body.<span style=""> </span>We say this set up statement 3x while tapping on the side of our hand then we move to the other points as we say a reminder phrase this is referred to as a <b style="">“round” </b>(move to the next point each time you say the reminder phrase):<span style=""> </span><b style=""><i style="">Intense grief</i></b><i style=""> (tap with fingertips at the beginning part of the eyebrow closest to the nose); <b style="">Intense grief</b> (move to the next spot on the outside of the eye on the eye socket bone by the temple area</i>) ;<b style=""><i style=""> Intense grief</i> </b><i style="">(under the eye on the top of the cheek bone); <b style="">Intense grief </b>(under the nose); <b style="">Intense grief </b>(under the lip); <b style="">Intense grief </b>(on the collar bone to one side of the little V at the bottom of the neck); <b style="">Intense grief (</b>I always add the “liver point” because we store a lot of our grief in this area: 3 inches down from the nipple on the right side, use several <span style=""> </span>fingers to tap on this area); <b style="">Intense grief </b>(use fingertips to tap under the arm around 2-3 inches under the arm pit…the bra strap line for women), <b style="">Intense grief </b>(we finish a “round” by tapping on the top of our head).<span style=""> </span></i>Check in with yourself as you are working through your emotion:<span style=""> </span>How do I feel on a scale from 0-10 (0=no emotional charge around the issue, 10=high emotional charge) many times the emotional charge will go up before it goes down.<span style=""> </span>Continue to tap on it until you have reached a 0…this may take time and patience…persistence is very important when moving through any high emotional feeling within the body.<span style=""> </span>Keeping the “flow” of energy going enables us to reframe the situation along with strengthening our connection to safety, self love and acceptance in the midst of it.<span style=""> </span>Love and self acceptance are essential ingredients that enable us to experience a sense of safety and connection in spite of pain and suffering.<span style=""> </span>I will always end on a positive “round” of tapping.<span style=""> </span>Tapping on all the points as I state my desired inner feeling and intention (The Choices Method: Dr. Pat Carrington developed this addition to EFT) <span style=""> </span>I choose to feel peace and calm within, I am willing to love and accept all that I am just as I am; I give my body permission to heal and restore; I choose to remember who I am in the midst of everything;<span style=""> </span>I am willing to discover , connect, love and accept me just as I am; I am willing to allow myself time to heal and restore; I release all judgment and expectations from my life experience; I am willing to feel safe with all of my feelings and emotions;<span style=""> </span>I am willing to believe that I can handle anything;<span style=""> </span>I choose to remember a time in my life when I moved through a storm in life;<span style=""> </span>I am alive, capable and connected to God.<span style=""> </span>As with any 12 step program, it is essential to express “ruthless honesty” .<span style=""> </span>When we align ourselves with our truth without judgment, we unleash within us the ability to move through hardship and connect to love and the experience of inner healing.</span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">EFT is one of many techniques that I share with my clients to help them take back their ability to heal.<span style=""> </span>Two other practices that are helpful when frozen by the pain: stay present to the moment…God is present, therefore we gain our greatest strength within when we remain acutely aware of each present moment…our internal pain flows from the past (grief, regrets, judgments) and the future (fears, doubts, worries, “what ifs”).<span style=""> </span>Stay present, breathe deeply and focus on what you do have in the present moment<span style=""> </span>(sometimes it is the gift of our heart beating, our lungs breathing, a bird singing, a flower blooming).<span style=""> </span>The energy of gratitude is full of healing and restoration on all levels.<span style=""> </span>The last practice I will mention today is that of giving ourselves permission to feel without any judgment.<span style=""> </span>This is the portal through which we learn how to be real in life.<span style=""> </span>We all carry different inner rules and regulations of what is appropriate and what is inappropriate….just be and remove all judgment or “shoulds” and “need tos” from your experience with grief.<span style=""> </span>If you want to cry for days…then cry for days, weeks along with the confidence that we, as human beings, can handle anything when we return to our inner connection with love and acceptance of all that we are, just as we are, as connected to divine love.<span style=""> </span>I have to add that an outlet for anger is essential (part of giving ourselves permission to be real).<span style=""> </span>As a second degree black belt I realize the importance of physical release during trauma.<span style=""> </span>Get a punching bag, a pool noodle and beat the bed…always returning an inner connection with love and acceptance.<span style=""> </span>The tapping is an incredible tool to help accomplish this experience.</span></p> <p class="EC_MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family:Calibri;">Please visit my website: </span><a href="http://www.laurenemiller.com" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);"><span style="font-family:Calibri;color:#0000ff;">www.laurenemiller.com</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><a href="http://www.laurenemiller.com"> </a>for more ideas and information.<span style=""> </span>My book <b style=""><i style="">Hearing His Whisper…A Journey through Cancer and Divorce</i></b> speaks to my personal transformation through pain and loss.<span style=""> </span>My second book:<span style=""> </span><b style=""><i style="">“Mantras for the Mastectomies of Life”</i></b> contains many universal stress relief practices used throughout history to empower individuals in the ways of love and inner peace, along with 121 mantras that I have used throughout my journey (my second book is coming soon).</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0