tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.comments2010-02-27T04:59:39.194-08:00Young Widows and WidowersLisa Iannuccihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13271872957747474876noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-76006294592905081022010-02-02T00:53:56.075-08:002010-02-02T00:53:56.075-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-24463278724428180502010-01-25T06:32:24.793-08:002010-01-25T06:32:24.793-08:00I think you have answered your own question Bijoug...I think you have answered your own question Bijougirl...go out and have fun when you are emotionally ready to close the door on your past. I suppose this situation may make it easier to emotionally detach yourself from your husband. I think many widows forget the "bad" when their spouse expectantly dies and hold on to any good memory or create a new one. We call the fabrication of memories: Confabulation. And like I mentioned before in my other posts, many folks are battling with depression and other mental illnesses that intensify the way they grieve. It is sad to think how much time and opportunities are lost when a widower is stuck in the past. Good luck !Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-17216949218458943892010-01-24T00:04:37.203-08:002010-01-24T00:04:37.203-08:00I am hoping that some of you can give me some real...I am hoping that some of you can give me some real world advice. I am a new widow - my husband passed unexpectedly on 12/9/09 and I am needing some advice. I know it is to early to "meet" anyone but I have a unique situation. Not only did my husband die unexpectedly but he died after paying 60.00 and entering an asian massage parlor. After getting the reports back and talking to the EMS it was determined that my husband had entered the parlor for more than a massage. It is a well known brothel and he was out of town on business which he did quite a bit. What made it worse was this was not a random act - he had a list of 5 other asian parlors in town in his hotel room. This was something that he had obviously planned. We had an amazing marriage but apparently he had a problem that I was unaware of. For me I not only feel betrayed but I also feel like there is no reason for me to keep myself in mourning for a long period of time. I have a lot of grief to overcome and I am working on that but when it comes to the whole dating scene I'm like why not - he was cheating on me and may have been doing it for awhile, so why should I deny myself companionship when he wasn't. I have looked at so many sites and blogs but I have yet to see anyone with my particular problem. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice to give me?bijougirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-63224698942547210442010-01-22T07:01:48.929-08:002010-01-22T07:01:48.929-08:00You feel that he is on a rebound, because he is on...You feel that he is on a rebound, because he is on one. Coping with the death of his wife is complicated by: his own mental health, how satisfying his marriage was, and what he needs from you now. I would just have fun and not take the relationship too serious. Take note of his behavior more than what he says. Can he function at work and home? Watch for Red flags associated with the death or in the way he carries himself. If his name is Jerry Lee Lewis and he is in his 70's run away !Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-85882208276532354702010-01-21T00:40:02.042-08:002010-01-21T00:40:02.042-08:00There's this guy from work...we have known eac...There's this guy from work...we have known each other for 5 months. His wife passed away 1 and a half months ago..He asked me out on a date last week and we went out. He calls everyday but i still feel that its too soon for him..I like him but i keep on thinking ..what if he is on a rebound?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-19533094531709061662010-01-21T00:39:06.161-08:002010-01-21T00:39:06.161-08:00There's this guy from work...we have known eac...There's this guy from work...we have known each other for 5 months. His wife passed away 1 and a half months ago..He asked me out on a date last week and we went out. He calls everyday but i still feel that its too soon for him..I like him but i keep on thinking ..what if he is on a rebound?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-76764421457472511292010-01-20T20:34:57.343-08:002010-01-20T20:34:57.343-08:00I don't know if you ever come back here but I&...I don't know if you ever come back here but I'll post a comment way. It will be 3 years in March, and I have been wearing my wedding band on my right hand for about a year now. I tried the chain yesterday but it just looked so insignificant and vulnerable. It's back on my hand today. I'm a little lost. I sort of wonder if the ring keeps men away yet I can't bear to part with it all together.Julshttp://www.keeping-pace.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-91007148193982305762010-01-20T12:27:44.915-08:002010-01-20T12:27:44.915-08:00To the anonymous woman who has dated a widower wit...To the anonymous woman who has dated a widower with a 4y/o daughter. It sounds like he's nice and he likes spending time with you but wants to go slowly to prevent any missteps. You can always ask him what he's looking for in your relationship. If you like him continue to date but start to read up on dating a widower and its pros and cons. If say, six months from now you two are dating exclusively then I would gently ask him if he could place some of her photos in their daughter's room and the others in a photo album to look at whenever he and his daughter would like. When you both are more invested in each other you'll have more influence. If it comes up before then then so be it express gently how you feel about having another woman's photo alway peering out at you. It can keep him stuck in the past as well. In the meantime enjoy the "small talk" and find out more about him and her if you can to help you understand where he is in his grief walk. Good luck with your relationship.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-23624159653713297662010-01-12T07:00:40.353-08:002010-01-12T07:00:40.353-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-19928519667225251472010-01-09T08:58:18.739-08:002010-01-09T08:58:18.739-08:00I have begun dating a widower with a four year old...I have begun dating a widower with a four year old little girl. His wife died 4 years ago next week in a horrible car accident. His daughter was 10 months old when this happened. His wife was his high school sweetheart and I don't think he has dated anyone else, but I'm not sure because we haven't talk about anything to do with relationships yet. He hasn't talked about his wife at all to me, and we have gone out in public, and he always brings his little girl. A few nights ago, it was a snowing alot and we were supposed to meet at Dave and Busters, but he didn't want to take his little girl out in the weather. I said I was still willing to drive, and we could always just play games/watch a movie. He said ok, and when I got there the house looked like it did I think when she died. There were even baby toys still in the toy bin in the living room, and photos were everywhere of her and them as a family. He didn't mention anything about them at all. He seemed more nervous when I was there at his house. He still kept saying, though, comments about things/activities we could do in the future. He sat on the other end of the couch during a movie we watched and he gave me a half hug when I left later. But he is slow to respond to my texts/emails. He only talks small-talk, but acts really "appreciative" of me hanging out with him and his daughter. I am really interested in him, but I am afraid I could get hurt. I have never dated anyone that has been widowed before.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-32967520804753223072010-01-09T07:22:59.451-08:002010-01-09T07:22:59.451-08:00Thanks for posting this. I'm not only a new wi...Thanks for posting this. I'm not only a new widow but happen to be in South Florida too.FSUSammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05179880912352599916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-54939947893251198162009-12-28T09:36:45.445-08:002009-12-28T09:36:45.445-08:00It sounds like she is not available to you in the ...It sounds like she is not available to you in the way you would like. You should talk about about her change in behavior and what it means. If you don't get a satisfactory response, you need to move on. She may also have a serious mental illness (e.g. depression, personality disorder, etc)and you are not responsible to heal or care for her. Or she is not interested in you anymore, but can not be honest about breaking it off. If she can't meet you half way, why bother with her. Use your valuable time and energy on someone who appreciates and cherishes it. I think we get the relationship we deserve. Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-59521652107566210352009-12-25T05:03:23.714-08:002009-12-25T05:03:23.714-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-18459813031496710332009-12-23T10:25:19.182-08:002009-12-23T10:25:19.182-08:00I'm new to this, so here goes. About 6 month ...I'm new to this, so here goes. About 6 month ago I started dating a widow of 7 years and it has been an unbelievable experience. I'm not the first person she's dated since her husband passed, admittedly the first relationship went on way too long (5 years) and was full of pain and disappointments. Anyway, we have been going very well and probably a bit too quick for both of us, but we have been very happy and spoke about a wonderful future together. Recently, she has withdrawn probably due to the holidays and this has caused anxiety with her and says she goes through this every year and needs to get through this herself. She also says that she has come to the conclusion that she will never have what she once dreamed about....obviously I know that and I told her, nobody should be a replacement, just different. We've cut back on how much we're seeing each other, but still speak at least once/day and email. she still tells me she loves me and every once in a while she lets her guard down. I'm a bit confused on how quickly she's withdrawn and not sure if this is the beginning of the end for us. Any advice would be great....Thank youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-48427529160962097452009-12-18T12:40:29.346-08:002009-12-18T12:40:29.346-08:00This was amazing advice - exactly what I needed to...This was amazing advice - exactly what I needed to see right about now. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-16977353447707777532009-12-16T12:00:48.435-08:002009-12-16T12:00:48.435-08:00I'm engaged to a widower, and feel that we hav...I'm engaged to a widower, and feel that we have worked alot of issues out together, for example the numerous pics of his deceased wife that were around his house. Basically, I just "waited it out"...respected his feelings, didn't push, didn't even comment about how many there were and finally he began to remove them himself. Things seemed to be moving right along, until the dread Holidays. On Thanksgiving, I was asked to make "Mom's" special pie, because his adult son liked it so much...so I made it, and his son commented on "Mom's" pie, but never thanked me for making it. Next came decorating the house for Christmas. I had no idea that I would be affected so much by all of my man's Christmas memorabilia! I never expected to replace all of his Christmas trappings, and had even added to his collection of Santa Clause figures. However, when all of "their" things were placed in the living room and "my" things were consigned to the family room, I was hurt. The biggest hurt came when he hung the family stockings, including his deceased wife's, on the mantel. Keep in mind that all of his children are adults, and that two of them with their families live out of state. My children are also grown and live out of state. He and I had quite the discussion regarding the stockings, wherein I stated that I respected the tradition, however, perhaps it was time to start a new tradition. He has apparently made a huge deal of telling his kids that these stockings will be hung on someone's mantel in 100 years (obviously not knowing that his wife was going to pass away at a relatively young age)...He also wanted all of us to write notes to his deceased wife and place them in her stocking for future generations to read. After much discussion, he took the "missing members'" stockings down, leaving himself, me, his two kids and one grandchild on the mantel. I was cool with this until his youngest (adult) son wrote me a note telling me how upsetting this is, how they have a strong family bond which is shown by the stockings...I don't know what to do. I feel dishonored if the stockings are up, and he and his son feel dishonored if they are not up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-38684159323815679412009-11-24T06:45:53.503-08:002009-11-24T06:45:53.503-08:00Growing-up, I watched my mom live as a widower, an...Growing-up, I watched my mom live as a widower, and later dated a widower and I would never do this again. Given the fact there are so many eligible people out there, why put yourself at risk. Maybe this is not a great analogy, but it is similar to marrying a recovering alcoholic: sure they have been sober for many years, but there is always a chance for a "slip" and all the unwanted behaviors that come with it. I would be concerned that your new friend did not reveal his widowed status right away and wonder what else he is hiding. In your statement that you will prepare yourself for the anniversary sounds like you put yourself in a caretaker/co-dependent/martyr role; but why act as a parent to an adult. I need a significant other to be in the present with me, not a fog of daydreams, fantasy, and anniversary dates of what could have been with another.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-18404671937686981462009-11-24T02:03:11.888-08:002009-11-24T02:03:11.888-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Virtual Giftshttp://www.boonspace.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-60525005099614239332009-11-21T21:22:45.624-08:002009-11-21T21:22:45.624-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-44404087789845287732009-11-15T13:48:39.716-08:002009-11-15T13:48:39.716-08:00Interesting statistics. Usually I traveling with m...Interesting statistics. Usually I traveling with my family thorough ECT. On my luck I'm not divorced and I take my wife and my son to every vacation.Caribbean Cruisehttp://www.easyclicktravel.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-63818327770405149282009-11-15T08:54:10.680-08:002009-11-15T08:54:10.680-08:00Tourism girl -- i appreciate your comment and I...Tourism girl -- i appreciate your comment and I'm sorry for the pain you're going through and I understand that YOU didn't ask to be divorced, but this IS a site for widows. You said that laurie's "presumption" that widow grief is more honorable than the grief experienced by victims of divorce...etc., is really interesting. I don't think laurie said that at all. She's basing her comments on HER experiences, which are as a widow. Being a widow is a completely different experience than being divorced. I'm not going to sit here and say I know anything about fighting with an ex, creating visitation schedules, dealing with alimony, or dealing with the hurt that someone CHOSE to end the marriage, but it IS a totally different situation. My suggestion would be if you're looking for some support, to seek out a blog or site for women of divorce, who totally understand your situation and can empathize and offer support and advice. While I understand what you're going through, we're not divorced and these words pertain to widows, not divorcees. Good luck to you.lisa iannuccihttp://www.youngwidowsandwidowers.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-77221043430939441622009-11-15T08:47:39.966-08:002009-11-15T08:47:39.966-08:00Laurie-Ann,
I read with compassion and understand...Laurie-Ann,<br /><br />I read with compassion and understanding your comments about how to and whether to remove your wedding rings... that is until I got to the line.. "We didn't ask to be single. We are not divorced." Well I am divorced, but not by choice. In a world of no-fault divorce, if a spouse abandons another, there is absolutely nothing one can do about it. You cannot make someone live with or love you. If a spouse falls into addiction, behaves criminally, is diagnosed with severe mental illness, or beats you, your life or financial security may depend on your leaving the marriage, even if it breaks your heart to do so. Perhaps it wasn't your choice to leave, but you knew that you needed to do so for the sake of the children.. to protect them. I wore my wedding rings for years after my husband left our marriage and only took them off after much soul searching and a need to move on from that awful place that is the void of living alone and lonely. Your presumption that widow grief is more honorable than the grief experiencd by victims of divorce is hurtful, arrogant, erroneous and added absolutely nothing to your commentary. Your words were yet another assault on the already damaged souls of the people who tried to love and make a life together, but for one reason or another, didn't quite make it "until death do you part." From someone who clearly hopes to elicit empathy for her situation, I would have expected you to demonstrate some of your own.tourismgirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-75550989693582711322009-11-10T20:05:08.225-08:002009-11-10T20:05:08.225-08:00I've been seeing a man for about 5 months now ...I've been seeing a man for about 5 months now who lost his wife five years ago. <br /><br />Funny thing is...I was so wrapped up in the grief of my painful and traumatic divorce, I didn't even know he was a widower until we had been seeing each other for over two months. <br /><br />We talked about it briefly one evening and I could tell that it was still painful for him. So, I didn't press too much. But, did let him know that I sympathized with his loss. <br /><br />He finally said her name the other night at dinner and told a funny story about something that happened when they went out to dinner one time. I tried not to look taken aback. But, I don't have much of a poker face. It's not that I'm jealous of her. I have no reason to be. I guess I just wasn't expecting it because he hardly ever mentions that part of his life. <br /><br />The anniversary of her death is coming up soon. I am preparing myself for him to be sad and possibly withdrawn. I want to be there for him when he needs my "friendship" most. <br /><br />I consider myself fortunate to be seeing someone who didn't go through an ugly divorce and hates his former spouse, etc. There's enough of that on my end... :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-7190566685741461912009-10-18T12:53:10.706-07:002009-10-18T12:53:10.706-07:00Laura - 38 Gary- 55
Robin I know what you mean I...Laura - 38 Gary- 55<br /><br />Robin I know what you mean I just lost my husband Gary on the 9th of this month. We were starting to get ready for winter and then my husband Gary wanted to go to the store and out to launch and after launch we got back into the car and pulled out of the parking place, we made it about 4 parking spots from where we was. He had pooled over and stoped. then the car started rolling again so i said to Gary that we was rolling then i looked over and his head was back. Befor i know it we had crashed into a parked car and it ran into another car. I grabed the gear shift and put it into park. Then i jumped out of the car and went over to the drivers side and started CPR. There was some laidies that saw what was going on and called 911. I had him breathing when the police showed up but when they pooled him out of the car he had stoped. They would not let me go in the amb. with him because of the crash. about 30 min. latter they told me that he had passed. I thaght that me taking the news and telling my 2 sons Raymond- 16 and Boby- 9 that there daddy was gone was the werst<br /> part but then when i got into bed i could not sleep, so i got up and grabed his robe and hugged it untill i went to sleep. I still have to have his robe to sleep.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am wandering when dose it get easer.<br /> <br />If you need a freind to talk to my e-mail is texas_lady70@yahoo.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7970971491265962228.post-2981879335544235282009-10-01T14:27:04.706-07:002009-10-01T14:27:04.706-07:00One comment from my Widower girlfriend really cut ...One comment from my Widower girlfriend really cut deep after 5 years together is how her deceased is the "love of her life". I believe she wants to marry, but why would give the greatest gift I can to always be second best. I know some widower comments indicate that we non-widowers should just accept that their deceased will always be #1. My girlfriend thinks we will marry one day, but doesn't realize that she is the "better than nothing" girlfriend -though I do care and love her, just not as a potential marriage partner.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com